I had high hopes for 2015. I was excited for the clean slate, to start over fresh from the difficulties of 2014. I was going to read more, write more, blog more, be more. I was going to give up procrastinating, and spend less time on Facebook and Instagram, the poisons that feed my procrastination and I was going to do more school and get better grades. I was going to pop my little comfort bubble and talk to new people and make more friends. I was going to be different.
It started out promising, I was able to somehow balance beautifully on top of all of my blogging, reading, and schoolwork like a tightrope walker. But, inevitably, I began to loose my footing, and fell to the safety net below, staring up, wondering where I went wrong. 2015 was suppose to be my year, how could I slip so easily?
I've noticed a pattern in New Years resolutions. People always want to use the promise of a new year to change something about themselves. They will spend more time with their families... they will loose weight... they will better themselves. And I understand. There is something so refreshing about starting over, the fact that we have a second chance to change and do what we didn't or couldn't do before, and there is something honorable about wanting to change for the good of yourself and the people around you.
But I've been doing a lot of thinking about myself in these past couple of weeks. And for this new year, big, beautiful 2016, my goal is simply contentment. I'm tired of forcing myself to be more than what I am. I don't want to be continually comparing myself to other people and their accomplishments, but instead soak up the life and things I have and be happy with it all, and to be confident enough in who I am to show it to other people, in all of its broken messiness.
I want to be filled and overflowing with content for where God has me right now and trust in His power, and not in my ability to do more, because, seriously, nobody can be more than Him.
Happy New Year!