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days like burnt toast

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I wake up early like I do every morning. My little brothers and sisters are still sleeping and all is quiet. Growing up as the oldest of seven, I've learned to appreciate these rare moments of silence when I can think without being interrupted. I turn on my iPod, put in my ear buds, and head downstairs to the kitchen where I make myself a nice, warm cup of Earl Grey. I put a piece of bread into the toaster and wait as I sip my tea.

It's a beautiful morning.

My toast pops up. I'm all ready with a butter knife in hand, but the smell of smoke stops me. I pull the black, charcoal bread out of the toaster carefully with two fingers.

Burnt.
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My mornings are always the same.
Every morning I get up at exactly seven thirty.
Every morning I go on the laptop for a couple hours.
Every morning I shower.
Every morning I eat cinnamon toast for breakfast.
Even though I dislike planning and schedules, I always take comfort in the predictability of the morning, the start to a totally unpredictable day. 

My life hasn't been too exciting. It's at that point in the year where the days seem to just blur together. I can't distinguish one particular day from the rest because they are all the same, never changing.
But every once in a while the universe will turn on me and give me something I wasn't expecting. Just like when my toaster decides to toast my bread for a bit longer than I wanted. It throws me off. Days like burnt toast can ruin my perfectly happy mood.

Lately unexpected things have been happening a lot. I will be dreaming and anticipating something for weeks or even sometimes months and it wont go as I had wished. I've been disappointed in people and places and events so much, I almost just don't want to leave my room anymore. There's this little voice inside my head constantly whispering to me telling me that no matter what I do, I won't be happy. And I know it's not true, but I listen anyway.

This is what I have been struggling with. It's been hard, but I think I'm finally starting to block out the voice.

I'm trying to remind myself that, yes, some days will be like burnt toast, but there will also be days when someone unexpectedly makes me an omelet.

I'm trying to remind myself that there will be good surprises as well as undesirable ones.

24 comments

  1. What a perfect, perfect post.

    I need this so much, it's still aching raw. Thank you!!!!

    xoxo

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    1. Awww you're very welcome, Adelaide *hugs*

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  2. I've been thinking this too lately. Last year, during this time, was a kaldescope-- no, it was more of a house and when you open a door, you fall into a colorful trampoline and are thrown back high in the air, squealing in joy of all of the fast blurriness that seems to be slow, too. The universe hasn't been kind to me, either, but hopefully the second part of 2015 brings promise.

    xoxo Morning

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  3. It is amazing how one post can relate to me so well. <3
    I wanted this to be the year of adventures, and here I am following the same pattern every day.

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    1. Yes, it can be difficult. But I'm trying to trust that it's all going to end up okay eventually.

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  4. This is a beautiful post, lovely imagery.
    I hope you get more omelettes than burnt toasts in life (literally and metaphorically). :)

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  5. Beautiful thoughts. Burnt toast days can be hard, but for some strange reason it reminded me of a quote I heard recently:

    Everything will be okay in the end. If it isn't okay, it isn't the end.

    Just remember on the burnt toast days that better moments are ahead!

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    1. Thank you, dear.
      I love that quote!

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  6. I think this is one of my favorite posts of yours. So well-written, so true and real.

    Also, the song you added is giving me chills.

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    1. Thank you, Hannah, that means the world!
      You should totally check out Steffany Gretzinger's music! All of her songs just tug and tug at my heart strings until they break. It's amazing!

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  7. This was beautiful.
    burnt toast. love it.

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  8. Love the song too! the undoing is an amazing album!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, Hannah! And, yes, that album is just... Gah, so good!

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  9. The acceptance that each day is not going to be the same is as important as the realization itself. But what makes facing uncertainties easier is the fact that future is not always worse. It holds happiness and opportunities too.

    Loved reading it!

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  10. I have been meaning to comment on this post for days and days and days, because I know the feeling. I've been there....your life is my life right now, a lot. which happens a lot when I read your blog, huh. It's...nice. :)

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    1. It's always nice when you read something you can relate to. It happens when I read your blog as well. ;) We must be kindred spirits!

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  11. I get annoyed with myself because I let the smallest things upset me like you and your burnt toast. It's strange because it is the little things that make you upset. If something small affects my mood, afterwards I say to myself that I was silly and I won't do it again. I have learned to stop saying that to myself because it always happens a gain. :)

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    1. I do that too. I try to remind myself that in the grand scheme of eternity a little burnt toast won't matter, but yet, there are still those days where it can just throw me off the edge and turn me into Grumpy Hannah... and nobody likes that. :P :)

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  12. Yes, there will! Everyone goes through seasons--this one will pass:)

    So, I found your blog through a comment of yours on Anne Elizabeth D's, and then I read your profile from Blogger, and I thought: "Another teen knows and likes Gnomeo and Juliet?! Who knew!" And then your list of favorite books (combined with the fact that you're a fellow Tolkienknight and musical-lover), I knew I wanted to check out your blog! I'll enjoy exploring!:D

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    1. Hi! Welcome! I'm so glad you came to visit! Gnomeo and Juliet is forever my all time favorite kid's movie and LOTR and music is life! :)

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  13. I have this post bookmarked from when you posted it.

    And it rings true

    every.

    single.

    time.

    I am so so glad you wrote this. Oh my goodness. Yes down to my deep soul. yesyesyes.

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