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days like burnt toast

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I wake up early like I do every morning. My little brothers and sisters are still sleeping and all is quiet. Growing up as the oldest of seven, I've learned to appreciate these rare moments of silence when I can think without being interrupted. I turn on my iPod, put in my ear buds, and head downstairs to the kitchen where I make myself a nice, warm cup of Earl Grey. I put a piece of bread into the toaster and wait as I sip my tea.

It's a beautiful morning.

My toast pops up. I'm all ready with a butter knife in hand, but the smell of smoke stops me. I pull the black, charcoal bread out of the toaster carefully with two fingers.

Burnt.
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My mornings are always the same.
Every morning I get up at exactly seven thirty.
Every morning I go on the laptop for a couple hours.
Every morning I shower.
Every morning I eat cinnamon toast for breakfast.
Even though I dislike planning and schedules, I always take comfort in the predictability of the morning, the start to a totally unpredictable day. 

My life hasn't been too exciting. It's at that point in the year where the days seem to just blur together. I can't distinguish one particular day from the rest because they are all the same, never changing.
But every once in a while the universe will turn on me and give me something I wasn't expecting. Just like when my toaster decides to toast my bread for a bit longer than I wanted. It throws me off. Days like burnt toast can ruin my perfectly happy mood.

Lately unexpected things have been happening a lot. I will be dreaming and anticipating something for weeks or even sometimes months and it wont go as I had wished. I've been disappointed in people and places and events so much, I almost just don't want to leave my room anymore. There's this little voice inside my head constantly whispering to me telling me that no matter what I do, I won't be happy. And I know it's not true, but I listen anyway.

This is what I have been struggling with. It's been hard, but I think I'm finally starting to block out the voice.

I'm trying to remind myself that, yes, some days will be like burnt toast, but there will also be days when someone unexpectedly makes me an omelet.

I'm trying to remind myself that there will be good surprises as well as undesirable ones.

#profoundlyloved

There are two different types of people on Valentine's Day. The first type are the cute, happy couples you see strolling down the street, holding hands, gazing into each other's eyes, and totally oblivious to everyone and everything around them. The later variety are the polar opposites (but no less annoying), the poor, sad single people who "don't need a significant other to feel whole", but yet still feel the need to announce their miserable, single existence whenever the day of love and chocolate comes around.
I've always thought that you had to fit into one of these two categories on Valentine's Day. There was no medium, only the couples who love the holiday, or the singles that loathe it. And, since I have been forever single, I was automatically placed in the group that hates it (Feel free to read my post from last Valentine's Day to hear all about my single woes). Which really was a shame, because Valentine's Day always seemed like a holiday I would love. Pink, candy, pink, happiness, pink, love, and pink! What wasn't there to enjoy?

But I had a realization this year. It hit me like lightning hits the Empire State Building. I think it was when I read Kate's tag at The Goodness Revolt the other day on self love. Valentine's Day is not just a day to celebrate romantical love, it's a day to celebrate love. I know, profound right? But really, I had never thought of it before. Our culture feeds us with the idea that the only type of love is the love you receive from a significant other, so that's the type of love we crave for, but we forget about the other types of love. The love of your parents, the love of your friends, the love for yourself (something I am still working on), and, most importantly, the love of God. 
Don't you just love love? It's everywhere! We are deeply, profoundly loved, we just don't realize it because we don't have a boyfriend/girlfriend to give us that love we are so focused on having.

This Valentine's Day has been a different one for me, but one I have honest and truly enjoyed. 
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Thank you so much, Kate, for tagging me for your super sweet, genius tag. :)

1. tell me about someone you love, and why
This is hard. I love too many people to narrow it down to just one. I could talk about my parents, or my dear, dear friends, or many, many other people. My love language is quality time, and these people can almost always listen to me, and comfort me, and laugh with me. Even at my worst, most annoying times. The people who will forever and always love me, no matter what I do.
That's a pretty broad answer, but really, there is no one person I can highlight.

2. what is one thing you do that makes you feel all like "man, I could do this forever" when you do it?
Every day when I go down to our cold, scary, depressing basement to do my French, I just can't help but feel an overwhelming sense of passion flooding my heart, and I can't help but think "Man, I could do this forever!" 
I plan to go more into detail on this in a later post because there is no way I can explain it properly in a simple paragraph. 

3. what do you love about yourself?
There is not much I love about myself. I am a people pleaser, so, often if someone doesn't like a certain trait of mine, I also, must find fault in it. I'm getting better, but it's hard to really see what God sees in yourself and learn to love it. Especially when you don't want to sound prideful. I am, however, extremely compassionate and loyal, which, I guess are traits I can admire in myself. I do think of them as a curse, though. I always feel as if my heart breaks far too easily.

4. what advice would you give to someone who doesn't believe she/he is beautiful?
Everyone is beautiful, but not always in appearance. It sounds cliche and annoying, but it is true. outside beauty is fleeting. Your earthly body is going to deteriorate to nothing one day. You should be more worried about your inner beauty and becoming what God made you to be, because if you don't have that, outside beauty means nothing.
Okay, that wasn't entirely encouraging... 

5. what is the best piece of advice you've ever gotten about confidence?
This is really terrible, but I honestly can't think of anything. I use confidence as a mask sometimes, to hide all my un-confidence, that most people probably think I am quite content and happy with how I am. I don't know...

6. If you were your own daughter, what advice would you give yourself? 
"Stop worrying about the opinion of others so much." I tell myself this everyday, but it still has yet to really get engraved into my mind. Again, I do struggle with people-pleasing and worrying about what the people around me think. It has put up barriers between myself and everyone else, and it's hard, it really, really is.  

7. a verse, poem, sonnet, ancient-old proverb that inspires you to love yourself and others?
"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment"- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Tagging:
Anyone and everyone! (seriously, everyone must do this) Tag, you're it ;)

Love you all to the moon and back! 

Book Review | Saving Wishes

| goodreads |
For Charli Blake, being seventeen is a tough gig.She's been branded a troublemaker, her reputation is in tatters and she's stuck in Pipers Cove, a speck of a town on the coast of Tasmania.Thankfully, it's temporary. Her lifelong dream of travelling the world is just months away from becoming reality. All she has to do is ride out the last few months of high school, which is easier said than done thanks to a trio of mean girls known as The Beautifuls.When Adam Décarie arrives in town, all the way from New York, life takes an unexpected turn. His arrival sets off a chain of events that alters her life forever, convincing her of one thing. Fate brought him to her.
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I don't usually read e-books. I don't have any problem with them, I just find it easier for me personally to have an actual, paper book in front of me. I do have an e-reader, though, and I do get books on it occasionally if they are free (free books... why ever not?).

Saving Wishes had been on my to-read list for awhile. I don't remember why or how it got there, but it was there. I never have the heart to remove books from my TBR, I always want to be able to read everything. So, when I found the e-book for free, I figured I might as well mark this one off the list.

This has got to be one of the strangest books I have ever read. The story idea itself is not a strange one (it was actually pretty cliche), just what the author did with the idea made it weird for me.

First of all, this book is set in Tasmania, which actually sounds uber cool to me! Hello, vampires! Dracula! (Also, side-note: I had no idea that Tasmania was in Australia... I guess I'm just ignorant) But, alas, this book had no vampires in it, and after about two seconds Charli completely ruins the setting for us.

If I were her I would completely love living in Tasmania, but, nope, not Charli. She hates it, and paints an ugly picture of it in the minds of all the readers. Which, I guess is okay since it helps us understand why she wants to leave so very badly, but throughout the whole book I just didn't care for our dear main character, Charli, at all.
She was always super angry and emotional throughout the whole story. Every little thing would set her off.

Enter Adam: hot, rich, American/French dude. After detesting him for exactly 2 hours (or something like that)  Charli discovers that fate brought them together, so they must be soul mates! Then starts the vomit-inducing making out which lasts the whole entire rest of the book.
I'm a girl, and am okay with a little bit of mushy gushy romance, but this was far too much too fast. Also, Charli's brother's name was Alex, and I kept getting his name mixed up with Adam's... kinda awkward, but yeah.

Things just kept going down-hill from there. The most random things kept happening that, honestly, I wouldn't have been surprised if a vampire did turn up somewhere.
This whole story felt like a complete mess to me. The "plot twists" and surprises at the end were predictable and altogether weird, and I didn't like any of the characters one bit.
I was disappointed really. I thought this might be a great book that would make me realize that there are some good free e-books out there in the world... but no... not this one. The cover is pretty, though!

Sorry, Wishes series, I shan't be continuing with you.

never go out of style


Style [ˈstī(-ə)l] Noun
1. A distinctive manner of expression
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Disclaimer: I am not a fashion blogger or expert. I have never claimed to be. 
My sense of style is, admittedly, a mess. I'm the type of person who can fall in love with anything and everything. I like all weird colors and designs. But I have actually never really cared for clothes much. 
I have found myself caring more since I've got older. I look at old pictures of myself and am just amazed at how much I have evolved from that little girl in t-shirts and jeans to the teenager who has an obsession with soft pinks and crazy prints. Though I still wear sweatpants and crocs without shame, some things never change.
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The way you dress and carry yourself shows people who you are. Just look at the definition of 'style', it's a distinctive manner of expression. But trying to find your sense of style in the wide world of people telling you what is in and fashionable can be a tricky thing.

Style is often an imitation game. When we're young we simply want to imitate the other, cooler kids around us so that we might fit in. And as we grow older we search the racks of thrift stores for the most similar thing we can find to that one outfit we fell in love with on Pinterest. But what we often forget is that we ourselves are each brilliantly different people and that we should show our differences in what we wear.

It might take some people longer to find their niche than others, but in the words of my sister's old assistant soccer coach: "Confidence is key." You might feel uncomfortable jumping out of the box to wear something different, but, trust me, if you are confident in your style and in what you like to wear, nobody will even notice that it's not the same as everyone else's.

Let's be trend setters!

#somethoughts