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when I've got nothing but my aching soul

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I made a list of all my fears.

Stingrays, being kidnapped, needles, amnesia... 

At the top of my list was being forgotten by the people I love.

I'm too loyal sometimes. I trust people I shouldn't, and I love wholeheartedly. But I have discovered the hard way that not everyone is like me.

I've grown scared of making friends. I am the quiet girl who sits alone in a corner who watches the world pass her by.

I'm sure some people think I'm stuck up. Like I think I'm too good for them to talk to them. But really, I'm terrified of getting too close.

I wasn't always this way.

It's real. I'm afraid of being left behind, of being forgotten, of being given up on.

I have issues, and I can't begin to explain how much I wish I could tear down these concrete walls I've built up.

#wordsonmyheart

11 comments

  1. Hannah, this is beautiful. I think I'm a bit like that, too...it can be hard to overcome those fears, especially the ones that are so closely connected to the people you love and who you are as a person.
    Thanks for sharing this.

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    1. Yes, it is, but I'm really trying to get over it this year.
      Thank you for commenting Olivia! :)

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  2. My worst nightmares consist of me seeing dear friends that I haven't seen in ages, and them completely ignoring me. It's horrible. I can understand why you feel that way about getting too close to people.

    When I feel this way, I just try really hard to remember that there is one Friend that will never, ever leave me. {Isaiah 41:10}

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    1. That's usually how my nightmares go as well. Yes, and I'm also trying to remember that God will always be there for me, that nothing in this world is forever anyway, but, you know, it's difficult.

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  3. This was beautiful in its authenticity and honesty. Relationships are always scary things. Depending on others is always a scary thing. In the end, it is worth it though!

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    1. It is worth it, I just have a hard time remembering that when I'm in a social situation. I just sort of shy away.
      Anyway, thank you for commenting, dear. :)

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  4. *hugs through the computer screen* this post really struck a chord with me. I know how you feel about being afraid to give so much to people because you're afraid that they'll drop your heart and break it on the pavement. Being burned is a really hard thing to get over. Going through a breakup with someone I loved very very much made me so afraid, like I'm never going to let anyone get close ever again. (and that happens with just friendships too, I know). But something that gets me through is a quote from Martin Luther that I read once... I'll inevitably misquote x) but it goes something like, "It's better to love and to trust, and be burned a thousand times, than to live closed and safe, and never get burned." It's hard to believe that sometimes. But you're not alone, girl...keep your chin up! <3

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    1. Thank you so much, Katie. Your words make me feel better, and I love that quote!

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