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in which I fail

I'm trying. I really am. I keep telling myself that I can handle everything that I want to do... but I'm discovering ever so slowly that I just can't.

I want to be able to be caught up with school all the time. I wish I had the ability to get up in the morning and get all my schoolwork done so that I can then have time to write and to blog and to read. I want to be an awesome blogger, one who is so active with her readers, one who posts more than once a week. I want to do NaNoWriMo. I did sign up, even though I knew I couldn't do it. Not a single word has been written. I want to finish my ever growing TBR pile. I'm currently reading five books, and even though I have been reading a lot more than I did in the summer I can't get through them fast enough to meet any sort of reading goal this year. I want to be the bestest friend in the whole world. I want to be able to go and be there for my friends when they need me, to not be living in a virtual world all the time where they can't reach me. I want to be in the real world with them, and cry and pray for them...

But I'm just destined to fail at all this.

My life is a tornado right now. Junior year is not taking it easy on me. (well... mainly speech class. It is the absolute bane of my existence) And it's especially hard when your heart is breaking... over a lot of things. My heart has been breaking for awhile.

I know this is messy. I thought that once I started blogging again everything would go back to normal, but it's proving to be much harder than I thought.

Just know that I'm trying.

2 comments

  1. I know how you feel, and yeah it really really stinks.

    I'm really sorry to hear that you've been having a hard time. I don't know what all is going on in your life, but I do know that whatever it is, praying WILL help.

    I really love the Scripture verse that says to cast all your cares on Him, because He cares for you. Sometimes I have trouble contemplating that second part...that God actually CARES about me and what's going on in my life. But as hard as it is for me to understand, I do believe that it's true. And that's pretty cool.

    By the way, I think you are an awesome blogger.

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  2. I'm sorry life sucks for you right now. :( it's hard to feel like you have too much to do and not enough time...it's really hard. *sends hugs* I really like what Hannah said, about giving your cares to God. He absolutely cares for you, and so do we. You haven't failed us, okay? You haven't. I think you're an awesome blogger too, and sometimes life is just hard and I wish I could make it better for you, but I can't. it will get better, though. *I promise*

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