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in which I fail

I'm trying. I really am. I keep telling myself that I can handle everything that I want to do... but I'm discovering ever so slowly that I just can't.

I want to be able to be caught up with school all the time. I wish I had the ability to get up in the morning and get all my schoolwork done so that I can then have time to write and to blog and to read. I want to be an awesome blogger, one who is so active with her readers, one who posts more than once a week. I want to do NaNoWriMo. I did sign up, even though I knew I couldn't do it. Not a single word has been written. I want to finish my ever growing TBR pile. I'm currently reading five books, and even though I have been reading a lot more than I did in the summer I can't get through them fast enough to meet any sort of reading goal this year. I want to be the bestest friend in the whole world. I want to be able to go and be there for my friends when they need me, to not be living in a virtual world all the time where they can't reach me. I want to be in the real world with them, and cry and pray for them...

But I'm just destined to fail at all this.

My life is a tornado right now. Junior year is not taking it easy on me. (well... mainly speech class. It is the absolute bane of my existence) And it's especially hard when your heart is breaking... over a lot of things. My heart has been breaking for awhile.

I know this is messy. I thought that once I started blogging again everything would go back to normal, but it's proving to be much harder than I thought.

Just know that I'm trying.